Ominous Saturn

Ominous Saturn

People often throw around the phrase, “The universe is conspiring against me.” As I am still processing the events of this past month, I can read between the lines (or line, as the case may be). I do, however, disagree with the sentiment of the expression.

The universe has always had a way of looking out for me; I suppose I could also chalk it up to a guardian angel, but for the sake of keeping religious symbolism out of this, I pick the universe. One of my many arguments in favor of freelance is keeping oneself open to the gifts as well as challenges of the universe (pardon my hippy-dippy-ness. It’s been a funny month.). What I have learned and continue to learn is: whenever I feel my situation get “dire” (usually in terms of finances – I do work to live and not vice versa), a job shows up. Many jobs show up. It’s the nature of the beast and this beast is consistent. It never comes without a lesson or moral, but often it can be difficult to recognize without hindsight. So it isn’t so much that the universe is conspiring against you – it’s just making you pay attention when you go on autopilot.

I’ve been engaging in an on-and-off relationship with autopilot for a few years now. Some days I feel everything, see the world through a photographic lens, stay present in the moment, and engage in the magic of manifestation. Other days, well, there’s nothing – by nothing I mean, malaise, doldrums, and darkness. I’m nearly 28 and if any of you know a lick about astrology, I’m engaging in the dreaded-yet-transformative Saturn return. Basically, Saturn has made one full cycle around my astrological chart and is back to the location it was when I was born, bringing up every issue I have managed to cultivate since childhood without realizing it. It’s the equivalent of dumping a life’s worth of junk on the table and being forced to sort through it. Combined with a once-retrograded-and-now-about-faced Mars, everything just exploded. I watched the trajectory – it was magnificent. I’ve hit the other side of that explosion and the catharsis opened up a whole new path of possibility. A possibility of finding stability, defining myself, and laying old issues to rest.

Saturn, I salute you. Welcome back.

(side note: if you listen to “Two Suns” by the lovely Bat For Lashes, you can see a truly accurate musical and lyrical depiction of this astrological phenomenon, particularly in “Travelling Woman”. She wrote this record when she was 28 or so and has described the process of making this record as something akin to childbirth. If you see her live, you can tell the labor was worth it. She’s astounding.)