December 16: White Christmas

by racheldemy

I have very few Christmas traditions from my childhood that I continue to carry on aside from sitting around in my pajamas all day and eating beef jerky from my stocking. However, White Christmas is something my sister and I have shared since I can remember. Normally, I’m not one for holiday movies with the obvious exceptions of Home Alone and National Lampoon’s Christmas Vacation (for their comedic value); I find them kind of hokey and, much like Christmas music, totally annoying after awhile… But White Christmas was my first and, therefore, holds a special place in my heart. Allow me to enumerate the reasons why.

1) The Story

White Christmas Poster

It's in technicolor, bitches.

The premise is that some old friends from the war come together to help out their former general with keeping his Vermont ski resort afloat. There hasn’t been snow yet so the business is struggling. These guys and 2 incredibly hot sisters (who look NOTHING alike) decide to bring in people by producing a variety show out of the goodness of their hearts – and the adeptness of Vera Ellen’s legs. A wish for snow combined with some old school, grass roots creativity to help an ailing business is such an inspiration – ESPECIALLY now – and embodies what this season is truly about. It’s the Ultimate Christmas Spirit, you guys.

2) (Speaking of) Vera Ellen’s Legs

Vera Ellen's Legs

GAMS! Wow.

She couldn’t sing for shit, but, man, she had moves. And super human tap dancing skills.

3) Danny Kaye

Danny Kaye

Hello, handsome...

I think this man was one of the classiest comedic geniuses ever in existence. He made me want to convert to Judaism just to be able to marry into the family. Plus, he can dance and sing. The whole package…

4) Romantic Side Plots

There is ZERO sex in this movie but numerous innuendos and good, old-fashioned sexual tension. Back when people courted, spent time getting to know each other and showing off their peacock feathers. They also use the ol’ “let me teach you how to play that part on the piano” move and a fake engagement. SCANDALOUS.

Sexual Tension

Seriously, please just screw and get it over with...

5) Speaking of peacock feathers… DUDES IN DRAG!

Dudes In Drag

The Original Gay Pride Parade

I don’t think Irving Berlin could have foreseen his impact on the future Pride movement. A true bonafide VISIONARY.

This movie has something for everyone:

• a romantic love story for the ladies and saps;

• a couple war scenes for the old, serious dudes;

• sequined costumes and elaborate choreography for teenage girls and guys who dream of being on Broadway;

• magical scenery for those who dream of walking off into the snow and chopping wood all day;

• a Christmas song that you will never be able to avoid or forget from here to eternity.

It’s the best Christmas movie ever and I challenge you to top it.